Seriously Bad Car-ma

To the Rat Bastards who broke into my car and stole my stereo:

I realize that hoodlums such as yourselves probably do not regularly read the blog of a nice 30 something couple and their Chinese daughter, but in case you stumble across this in your search for porn on the internet...

It was damn inconvenient of you to ram a screwdriver through the passenger window of my car and then rifle through my glove box and steal my stereo. I’m fairly certain you were abusing some illegal substance at the time, or planning to use your ill gotten gains to purchase some illegal substance to fill your empty and meaningless lives. You’re clearly not the brightest crayons in the box, and I think you’re going to be disappointed with your spoils:


1. What about a 2000 CRV with dents and scratches, the old body style and lowest trim grade says “there’s something worth stealing in here”?

2. You left a greasy nose print on the drivers side window where you planted your face to look inside for booty... I would think the car seat and cheesy free-giveaway vinyl Enfamil diaper bag on the front seat would have told you you were barking up the wrong tree.

3.Clearly you are not up with technology. If you were, you would have known that the stereo was from 1999. You can buy the current model at Circuit City for less than $300, and that means that mine probably isn’t worth a Ben Franklin. Also, it was a Pioneer- better than a JVC, but hardly a Bose, Alpine or a Blaupunkt. You missed the boat: if you had pried up the speaker covers, you would have found the Sonys under the Honda factory covers. Not only that, you left the 12 disk changer located under the passenger seat which, by the way, nobody makes a deck that will run anymore.

4.You took my $7 Target sunglasses, all my change, the stereo, and the 12 pack of Coke Zero. But you left movie tickets and my insurance card, which I’m sure could have at least brought you the greenbacks for a dime bag (maybe an 8 ball) if you took it to East LA.

5. Do you realize I just had those windows tinted??? It took me 5 years of whining to get my husband to remember to set aside the $200 and make the appointment at the tint place whose name and location I think he guarded like the secret 11 herbs and spices found in KFC. I may have to wait for my 40th birthday to get the new window tinted to match. Thank God that Carolyn (who Jeff works with) and her husband John owned an auto glass place for years and will fix it for me tomorrow for an incredibly reasonable sum. I’m seriously grateful, because I don’t know how long I could drive around with the white trash window by Hefty.

6. Speaking of which....HELLO??? IT’S RAINING!!! Could you not have done this when it was dry???

7. I would, however, like to thank you for leaving my CDs, the almost $300 stroller in the back and the $500 car seat. I’d be really pissed if I had to replace those.

8.However, I am really pissed off that you tore up my dash getting the worthless thing out. It’s going to cost me more to fix the dash than the window, tint, and new stereo combined.

I would like to mention that you also hit my next door neighbor’s car last night too, and that while you broke his window, took his stereo (without ruining his dash), and all his CDs; you left his $60 sunglasses and didn’t check the trunk where he had over $1000 in tools. Oh, and if he ever finds out who you are, he’s gonna beat the snot out of you.